The poem

Personal Influence was written in 2004 while I was living in Cascabel Arizona. It was written at the culmination of a particularly reflective time in my life. Its funny but I do seem to be always reflecting. So many times I have wanted to shake my head so hard that I would fall out. I did do this once but it really didn't work. Anyway... as I post this poem I realize how easy it is to go back to old ways of thinking. Perhaps I should say old ways of thinking to much. Somewhere between then and now I lost the hand, or at least thought I did, but have found that he (my child which could be a girl but it really doesn't matter) is faithful. I find myself coming out of another particularly reflective time and found that the child was still there. In truth I live way to much in my head and I have known this for some time. I am now working on that and it is through friendship; deliberate, thoughtful friendship that I will find my way out. Really for me it is about letting go of everything. Let go of it all and trust that I do possess, as I believe we all possess, all that I need to be. I cant stress how important it is for us all to realize this but I know we must come to it on our own. So... I have friends and I am loved.
I guess my timidity comes from a lack of self-esteem which I believe I may have inherited form my mother. Of course my father did nothing to instill confidence and may have in fact been somewhat responsible for my lack of will. More on that later. I will say that we are indeed the sum of everyone we ever were along our journey and everyone who ever influenced us in any significant way. Be it negatively or positively. With love -and I'm not talking fucking Hollywood, I'm going to Disneyland love- we can shake the past. Realize it, own it, whatever and move on.